On June 3rd, 2011, I was stuck on a bus. I collected the live-tweeting that followed so that we all may never forget.

Mom’s Text: Are you on the bus? / My Text: I am inside the bus. They wouldn’t let me ride on top : ( / Mom: I wish you were adopted.

So, the bus I’m on is stuck in-between some side streets, on a hill. I guess I should be live-tweeting this crap, right?

The bus was 1.25 hours late to the depot, and left 1/2 hour late because of traffic. So the driver decides to try some shortcuts.

Driver looks exactly like Bull from “Night Court,” and apparently he’s just as smart. (i.e. Dumb, in case you’ve never seen “Night Court”)

(I loved “Night Court,” by the way. Laroquette was amazing! Remember when he was the Phantom of the Court? Solid stuff! But, I digress.)

So, Bull here decides to drive up a side street, up a hill, and almost hits a white Mazda. Thank goodness Mazda’s brakes are so good!

If you don’t have a Mazda, you should think about getting one. I’m not getting sponsored by Mazda or anything, they’re just quality cars.

Bull almost runs a stop sign, the Mazda makes it through okay, and then Bull has trouble getting the bus up the hill. Real jerky motions.

(And I know a thing or two about jerky motions; I’m single! Ba dum bum!)

Stop. Go. Stop. Go. We finally get to the top of the hill. Well, the front end does. That’s when Bull figures out he’ll have to turn.

Uh-oh, it’s a bus, Bull. A big fucking bus. And that street is to small you can’t turn. So, we get stuck. On the hill.

We’re stopped sideways, splayed across two small side streets, when we should be on I-76, traffic or not. Ballsy shortcut, Bull!

He can’t maneuver well, so we’re stopped. People get off to smoke. Randall, a tall black man with a goatee, finds a bodega nearby.

Randall and Catherine, a middle-aged woman with a badunkadunk to die for, buy some boxes of popsicles for the three (3!) babies on the bus.

The babies have been surprisingly well-behaved. My faith in the healing power of popsicles has been renewed.

Bull makes some phone calls and Randall and his friend (I don’t know his name) decide to guide the bus down the hill backwards.

Should we take Green St. or Main St.? Bull isn’t sure, but a local elderly woman says “Take it to Green, honeychild!” Bull goes with Green.

The streets are narrow and we’re inching our way down them and haven’t hit any cars (yet). All the Mazdas are safe. God bless Mazda.

Randall almost lost his flip flop guiding the bus. He’s doing this in flip flops, people! He’s a true American hero.

Catherine asked me if I wanted a popsicle. I said ok, but I was one of the last ones asked so there’s only lemon left. No thanks, Catherine.

Now Catherine thinks I’m a popsicle elitist. Whatever, Catherine. I just prefer blue raspberry or cherry.

Bull does a really violent jerk backwards and the engine cuts out. One of the babies finally cries. From somewhere in the rear, a man yells:

“Get this bus on the fucking road. This bus ain’t gonna have no transmission when you (Bull) is done!”

Bull responds, “You don’t trust me? Maybe I’m crazy.” The engine comes back on and he rethinks his strategy silently.

Man in rear: “We should all get half our money back for this fucking bus ride!” I tell him he should be our class action lawsuit liaison.

We still haven’t made it to Green St., or Main St. for that matter. We’re on a cobblestone road across from a cemetery. Convenient.

Bull gets us onto a main road but is now lost. He laughs maniacally. Randall is a trooper, helping a lot! Catherine calms the baby to sleep.

Local woman gives us directions through downtown Manayunk. “Good luck, honeychild!” she says. Boy will we need it!

No one has asked the man in the rear to stop cussing, even though we have 3 babies on board. I’d say something, but eh, fuck it, ya know?

Some want us to stop at a McDonald’s drive-thru since we’re now 1.5 hours behind schedule. I’d rather just get there. Or at least Wendy’s.

We made it to the main road, everyone! There’s a sign for I-76! We all slap Randall and his friend on the back as they come down the aisle.

Everyone loves Randall and friend right now! Bull, not so much.

Man in rear: “I know you gonna drive in the fast lane now!” Bull: Oh, I will. Ha ha ha ha. I will.

Currently cruising along I-76 behind schedule but all alive and okay. Some of us got popsicles, even! Randall’s totally gettin’ laid tonight

People pull out cell phones and call their loved ones. I call my mom. She says “Imagine how fun that would’ve been from the roof, smartass.”

And this concludes my bus fiasco of 2011. Back on the real highway, no traffic in sight. Guess we avoided it after all, Bull. Good job!

Sorry for flooding your TLs, guys. Hope you enjoyed reading. If you have any questions for Catherine, I’ll ask her. Randall’s sleeping. Shh.

.@teamblock: How are the babies? // Babies are all good. One dropped his popsicle when the engine cut out, but he got over it.